fillers or aus i would love to play running list; if you're interested in any of this, throw up a starter and i am there
steve + peggy
Peggy and Steve's reunion when he returns to the past.
That dance scene. /sobs
Anything about their life afterward.
steve + tony
Conversations about Peggy or Howard, or anything else they'd talk about during their 2-man mission to the past
First time Steve and Tony interact after Tony calls Steve out on how failing together sucks.
Did Steve and Tony ever talk during those 5 years? If so, what did that look like?
[au] Tony survives, but Steve doesn't know that when he goes back in time. So now Steve is really old and Tony is not.
[au] Tony survives and Steve comes back from returning the stones and they rebuild their relationship
steve + natasha
Awful life at Avengers compound before Ant-Man, basically lots of hurt/comfort with each other
[au] When Steve tells Natasha that maybe they should both move on, he asks her out on a date — it becomes a very sad attempt at moving on, but it's also a sad kind of solace.
steve + bucky
Honestly, they barely got any time back together. Steve and Buck MUST have talked before Steve just decided to go back in the past. Possible convo where he admits he's not coming back, and asking Bucky if he wants to return back to their time with him?
steve + anyone
So ... you can so Mjolnir now?
Conversations with various characters when he returns the stones to their rightful place in the past
Someone insisting on going back in time with Steve, and they return all the stones together and this person convinces Steve to come back (or, is convinced that he really doesn't want to)
shuri + anyone
Rebuilding the world from Wakanda
Meeting the other avengers
One-uping our science bros during reconstruction :D
tony stark (AI) + morgan/anyone
I imagine this will be mostly sass.
And with everyone who is not Morgan, this will basically be him joking about how he's going to live forever.
[ Steve's known Tony for a very long time now, and while there have been days in the past where he's wondered how things were with Pepper, he's kept them all mostly to himself. When they'd broken up after Ultron, he hadn't even known what more to say to Tony other than how he sorry he was to hear that.
But now, seeing that surprise on Tony's face and the beautiful, heart-pulling smile that comes after, Steve realizes that maybe, based on whatever experiences Tony's has had in the past, people didn't quite treat him right, or maybe, through no fault of anyone's, things just hadn't worked out long enough for Tony to see what a good relationship looks like. Or at least, the way Steve thinks good relationships should work.
That kiss makes it hard for Steve to think. But there's something he wants to tell Tony. ]
You. [ He says, looking into Tony's eyes like he's the most beautiful man in the world. ] Tony Stark. Deserve everything. [ Steve smiles then, for just a moment. ] You deserve all the love the world has to offer. I want you to know that. And that I think that.
[ As for groups though, it's something that Steve's excited to share with Tony. ] I started back when I lived in D.C. Though, I didn't go as often back then. Sam got me into it. He used to run one for veterans trying to adjust back to living at home. Now I help him out when I can. During those five years, I went almost every other day.
[ There’s something about the way Steve looks at him, and says those words, that disarm him. It makes him feel warm from the inside out, and Tony is speechless for a moment before he kisses him again, as if that’s the only way he can say how much he appreciates him. ]
I feel like I do have everything right now, right here, with you.
[ He kisses him again before listening to him talk about the group sessions, and Tony smiles. ]
[ The grin that spreads on Steve's face comes immediately when Tony says that. Good, he thinks softly, and there's something that settles a little inside Steve.
And yeah, the kisses are starting to get quite distracting. ]
I think so. There are moments where knowing that there are other people is enough. [ He lets out a small sigh. ] But there are a lot of moments where I sat in that chair and had no idea how to move forward.
[ Group therapy is a place where you're supposed to share, after all. So Steve's had some practice sharing his own thoughts. Usually, though, there wasn't another Avenger right next to him. And no, Sam doesn't count. But that's only because Sam's gone through the same thing. War back then ... was a different creature. A worse, bloodier, haunting creature. ]
Both? But for different reasons. The last five years... [ Steve shakes his head as he gives Tony's hand a squeeze, to comfort himself this time. ] ...felt impossible. Like I was trying to help everyone else move on. But I knew that I wasn't. And I was even more resistant to even trying. It's why I ended up moving out of the compound. Natasha wasn't moving on either. [ The thought of her, and what she meant to both of them, brings a sad smile to Steve's lips. ] And when she and I were together? Felt like we made each other regress.
[ He listens attentively, keeping his hold on his hand firm. As if to help give him a grounding sensation, in case he needs it. Tony’s not a soldier, never has been. Not in the way Steve is. But he knows a bit of dealing with a heavy past and memories, and he wants to support him the same way Steve has been supporting him.
Tony’s lips mirror the same sad smile, because he misses her. He wasn’t as close to her as Steve was, but he does miss her a lot. Some days he still struggles with the survivor guilt that he was able to make it when she couldn’t. ]
I’m sorry I wasn’t there. I don’t know how much I would have been able to help [ he adds, apologetic because its the truth ] but I wish I could have done more for both of you.
[ It's more than feeling grounded. Feeling Tony's firm grip also keeps Steve from feeling alone, which is always the danger when he talks about this stuff. But it's hard to feel alone with the person you're falling in love with is holding your hand this tight.
Steve smiles gently when Tony says he wishes he could've done more, but after a moment, he just shakes his head a little. ] I'm not sure anything could've helped us much. But I love that you wanted to. [ He takes a deep breath. ] Ultimately, all we wanted was to for everyone to come back. [ At that thought though, Steve looks over at Tony's eyes and smiles again. ] You did do that for us. For everyone. She would've been proud of you.
[ A small smile crosses his lips when Steve says that he loves that he wanted to help. It’s definitely not a lie, and it’s not even just because they’re together. Tony exiled himself because he knew he couldn’t help anyone, no matter how much he wanted to. He wasn’t in the best terms with the team, but it didn’t mean he wouldn’t have tried to help if there had been a way. He just didn’t have answers of any kind.
When Steve brings up what he did, though, Tony’s smile grows a bit more but it’s more modest than anything else. This isn’t the first time someone has brought up what he did, but to Tony he didn’t do anything overly extraordinary. Whatever it takes, right? He had just taken it very seriously. ]
I hope she is. I couldn’t let her sacrifice go to waste. [ He stays quiet for a moment before his smile turns more sad than anything else. ] I didn’t know Bruce tried to bring her back, but I did, too. I guess we could only get one wish out of the snap, though.
[ Whatever it takes. Steve knows that almost all of them would've done the same thing. Even Natasha herself, if she had still been alive. But in the end, Tony was the one who did, knowing what he was trading. It had practically been a miracle that Shuri and Helen were able to save him.
Steve nods. ] I...
A lot happened when I took the stones back. But with the soul stone ... [ Steve clears his throat. He's never really told anyone that he got to see her body, and even with how comforting Tony is, Steve's still not sure he can get the sentence out without choking up first. So in the end, he decides to go with something simpler to say. ] I tried to get her back too. To trade something for her. The stone itself, maybe.
[ Tony watches him, silent. When he says he tried to to bring her back by trading something, he feels his heart break for him, especially since he knows how close he and Natasha had been, and he gently kisses his cheek. ]
I’m sorry. Maybe there’s something else we can figure out. We thought the first snap would never be undone, and now that has all changed. Maybe one day we can also bring her back.
[ He can only hope, anyway. He doesn’t know how many laws of time they’d be breaking if they did that, but for one of their own, Tony would do it. She deserves to be here, alive after everything she did. ]
[ Steve almost starts talking, but then stops himself. He just looks at Tony for a minute, eyebrows furrowed, eyes grateful, that sad smile still on his lips. ]
No, Tony. [ He says, shaking his head gently. ] Maybe one day. But I'm not trying to ask you for that.
[ He's certainly not going to give up hope for Natasha if Tony truly believes there's a way. But something about this feels much more final than anything that's come before it.
And when Steve leans in to kiss Tony again this time, the way he lingers seems to say I'm so grateful you're still here. ]
[ The reassurance is quiet, gentle. If he could reach over, he’d brush his thumb gently along that furrowed brow, as if to gently reassure him it’s okay. It wouldn’t be just for him that he’d try. It’s for Natasha. And partly probably even for himself, considering the guilt he sometimes feels that he’s here but she isn’t, but it’s mainly because she was their friend. Their family. Like Steve, he does feel the finality in it all, but at the same time Tony can’t bring himself to accept that.
Then again, he has never dealt well with grief and loss.
At the kiss, Tony kisses him back, willing to stay pressed close to Steve as long as he’ll have him. Tony had questioned for years why Strange had saved him, why he was worth the time stone when others clearly weren’t. It had crushed him. The realization that he was meant to do the third snap has been his answer and for a while he had assumed that was it. He was done for. Even while in Wakanda, on his worst days, he wondered if the radiation poisoning would be too much for Shuri and Helen to fix. And then he had survived and Tony hadn’t understood why. Why did he get to live when Natasha didn’t. He still doesn’t get it but, being here and now, he can’t help but be thankful. For Steve. For this millionth chance. For getting a chance to be happy, actually happy.
When he pulls back, it’s that gratitude for this - for Steve that reflects in his eyes as it mingles with the affection he feels for him. ]
...I still can’t believe this is real. In a good way. The best way.
[ The reassurance from Tony that he knows is comforting enough. For a long time, Steve doesn't pull back. When the first kiss is finished, he only pauses enough for them to take a breath before he kisses Tony again. There's yearning there, but nothing lustful. Just a longing to feel settled and happy and done — and being able to feel it with the man he's with right now.
Steve smiles, finally, when he does pull back, forehead still gently pressed against Tony, and he hears Tony say that. ]
[ There’s a happy, content smile that settles itself on his lips as Steve rests his forehead against his. He loves this feeling. Like he belongs here, with him. Like he’s meant to do this and nothing else until the end of time. Or maybe that’s what he wants, but now he has the luxury of time on his side. ]
Yes, please. [ He closes his eyes, too. ] What is it?
[ Steve's wanted to tell Tony this since the day he first came by the compound and found Steve there. ]
Remember our mission? When you took us even further back, for the Tesseract? You ran into Howard and I— ... I never told you, but I got to catch a glimpse of Peggy. Just a couple of seconds. She never saw me. Turns out, I'd somehow stumbled into her office when I was avoiding security.
[ His eyes are still closed, almost like he's watching the whole thing replay in his head, and he's just describing what he sees. ]
Really? [ He doesn’t sound surprised, because he knows Peggy’s work with SHIELD. He definitely sounds curious, though, because he also knows how much Steve meant to her. And, well, how much in turn she probably meant to him. ]
But when Tony asks that second question, he can't help but chuckle reluctantly. ] In a way. It didn't take that much, because I wasn't prepared, you know? She was on the other side of a glass window. The shades were only turned halfway. Honestly ... the only thing I could focus on at the time was making sure I could still see her. And then she left.
[ Even though he pauses there, it doesn't feel like Steve is quite done. ]
[ Tony nods slightly, as if to say he understands. He can’t imagine being in Steve’s situation. How he must have felt. Did he regret not saying something? He wants to ask, but at the same time it feels too private of a question and he doesn’t know if he has the right to ask it.
So, he just waits to see if Steve wants to continue sharing. If he does, or if he chooses not to, Tony just gently moves his thumb gently against Steve’s hand, trying to be comforting. ]
[ Tony's a wonderful listener. It makes Steve feel grateful that he can talk to him like this now, and even more grateful that they can do it while holding hands. Friendship, love, a sense of home. Tony really has given him everything.
After a few moments, Steve keeps going. He needs to tell somebody, and now, because of many reasons, Tony feels like the perfect person. ]
So it turns out that I'm not as strong as people think I am.
When I went to return the space stone, well, I couldn't exactly re-create the Tesseract. I knew that SHIELD needed to be in possession of it, somehow, to preserve the timeline. So I... I went to Howard. I figured, he'd know, at least, how to build a new container for it. And once I went to Howard... well, there was no keepin' it from Peggy.
[ Steve opens his eyes then, forehead scrunching a little against Tony's because he's looking up toward him, to try and catch a glimpse of his expression. Either way though, now that he's admitted to maybe messing up the timeline, he might as well get this whole thing out. ]
Peg, she was—... everything I remembered her to be, but even stronger. More resilient. Beautiful. I spent a couple days with her. [ He smiles. ] Finally gave her that dance she'd asked me for before I'd gone into the ice. [ Steve sighs. This is where things stopped being perfect. ] Both of us, I think, realized then, that maybe ... if we wanted to, I coulda stayed. Permanently, back in time. I could tell a big part of her wanted it. I definitely did.
But. [ Obviously, Steve didn't. ] The longer I was there, the more I realized that if I stayed, I'd be ruining her life. [ He glances over at Tony again, then. ] She'd finally started to move on. She'd just started seeing this guy, and from what I could remember from the pictures she'd shown me, he was gonna be the one. One day, they'd get married and she'd have two beautiful kids, and fifty years later she'd tell me about how happy she's been.
Of course, she didn't know those things and I didn't tell her. But she was considering throwing it all away for me. I don't know how she would've picked, in the end, because when your dad finished the container for the stone — I told Peggy I had to go back. That the timeline couldn't handle it if I stayed. That there'd be repercussions neither of us would know how to handle. She understood.
The last thing she told me before I left, was that she wanted me to have faith. To be open to the idea of finding someone in my own time. To be open to the idea of being happy.
[ He takes a deep breath then, squeezing Tony's hand as he smiles and looks at him a whole new way. ] Honestly, I didn't think I had a chance. Finding someone and being able to settle down never seemed to be in the cards for me. Until yesterday. Until you said you wanted to kiss me and ...
Let's just say I spent a long time wondering if I'd made the wrong choice. If I should've said to hell with the other guy, to timelines, and just stayed with her. But god, Tony this is going to sound so sappy, but... After the last 36 hours, I'm starting to feel like there was a reason why I had to come back instead. That reason is you, Tony.
[ Steve’s comment that he’s not as strong as people think he is confuses him, ready to disagree. He doesn’t say anything only because Steve continues talking, and Howard is brought up. Although he should have, Tony hadn’t really thought of the logistics of returning the stones, he had been too busy thinking of the finish line. But, he thinks, of course Steve would have needed to get him involved. And of course Howard would tell Peggy, if she didn’t figure it out first. His brow furrows slightly, but not out of concern for the timeline - although maybe he should be concerned. Time can mess back, after all - Past Thanos and his lack of an arm now prove that - but...
Well. If he’s honest, even before Steve says that he could have stayed, the thought already filters into Tony’s head. Because why wouldn’t he be tempted? Steve could have gotten back everything he lost when he went into the ice. Peggy, Howard. He could have had the life he once would have had. The surprise leads to an understanding because, if he would have stayed, Tony wouldn’t have faulted him for it. There’s no way he could have.
But then Steve continues, and although he doesn’t say anything, a tiny smile crosses his lips, sympathetic. And, god. How can steve say he’s not strong when he had walked away from the life that their line of duty had costed him?
And Steve keeps talking, and...when he says what he says - that sappy thing, as he calls it - his smile grows before he chuckles softly. Warmly. ]
It’s not sappy. At all. I’ll tell you why in a bit - but I just want to say first that I think you’re stronger than you give yourself credit for. Do you know how many people would have stayed back? You sacrificed your happiness again for the sake of that timeline.
[ His smile softens. ] Peggy saved me more times than I think she ever realized. I don’t know if you know that. And...it sounds like that version of her saved me, too. Because, as selfish as it is, her telling you all that and agreeing to you coming back is what has you here with me now.
[ He pulls back just enough to see him, a small smile on his face. ]
Now. Do you want to know why I don’t think you’re sappy?
[ Steve smiles when Tony says he's stronger than he's willing to admit. Honestly, Steve isn't entirely there yet. He feels like he only walked away for her, and the life she should've had, but at least he's not willing to argue with Tony about that. Plus, some part of him likes hearing Tony say that he's strong.
But that comment about Peggy makes Steve's eyebrows lift in surprise. The two of them had never talked about Peggy much. He listens to the right though, smiling again at the end.
And his answer, Steve just nods, eyes skeptical but hopeful, before he adds: ] And after that I want to know more about how many times Peggy's saved you.
[ He doesn’t blame Steve for being curious; after all, he doesn’t know to the degree Peggy had been involved in his life. When he says he wants to know more about that, Tony chuckles softly under his breath. ] Okay.
For a long time I didn’t think I’d ever find anyone I’d be able to find anyone that...you know. I could make this work with. Pepper and I tried a few times, and don’t get me wrong. She has always meant a lot to me. But ultimately it just never fully worked. We wanted different things; she wanted me to step back from being Iron Man, and while I thought I could give that to her, I couldn’t. Not completely. Not when I thought maybe I could still do something to help, wherever it was needed.
[ He sighs under his breath. ] We almost got married after the Accords. Then after Titan, we almost tried again. I more or less gave up being Iron Man then, after all. It would have made sense. But, even then, it just...didn’t work. So I figured that was it from that end, and I was okay with that. I’ve never figured I was good for relationships, anyway. And this gig - it’s a lot for someone to accept. Even retired, the aftershocks of it all is a lot for someone to understand.
[ He pauses for a moment, but it doesn’t last very long. ] After Titan, I also struggled a lot with the fact that I had been spared. I should have died, Steve. During the first fight with Thanos, he almost killed me. Strange - the man that had the time stone - traded the stone with Thanos for me, and it didn’t make any sense as to why. Especially when everyone disappeared. It just didn’t seem fair, that so many people could just be gone and I had been spared, especially when it didn’t seem like there was a purpose behind it all.
But then, the whole time heist happened, and I thought maybe I had been spared to figure out the time travel piece. On the battlefield, though, it all clicked. Out of fourteen million scenarios Strange had seen, we could only win in one, and that was it. Me doing the snap... That’s what I had been spared to do. I was fine with it, too. Whatever outcome came from it - and I was expecting the worst one for myself - I could make peace with it on the spot, because I just wanted him gone.
When I woke up in Wakanda, I couldn’t understand why again. Especially on the worst days. I had been spared again, and while I’m thankful for it, I couldn’t understand why. Up until yesterday, actually, I still couldn’t.
[ He pauses again, because the sensation of baring himself like this makes him feel very vulnerable, but...he trusts Steve. It’s that trust in him that helps him share all this with him. ]
I guess long story short... During the last 36 hours, it feels like it’s all clicking again. The why behind failed relationships, behind getting yet another chance. I feel like I get it now, with you. And believe me, I figured I was actually done with relationships. I still don’t know if I’m that great at them, and I hate subjecting you to be here for all the health junk I’m still dealing with, but... It feels like whatever I had been waiting for, that proverbial explanation behind it all, is finally here. I feel like the reason I was given more time by Shuri and Helen wasn’t to save the world anymore, but to find the piece in my life that had been missing. And that’s you.
omg I'm so sorry my previous tag had so many typos
[ As Tony talks about Pepper, Steve nods and listens the whole time. For the longest time, no matter how he felt about Tony, he'd never said or done anything because of Pepper. Not because he was jealous, but because Steve had always imagined that Tony and Pepper would get married one day. They loved each other, he could tell, even when they disagreed.
But the moments where Steve feels for Tony the most — is all the moments in his life when he couldn't understand why he was still alive. After Titan. After the snap. Steve imagines that those aren't the only two times Tony's felt this way, and Steve gets it. Survivor's guilt. Both of them feel it now, don't they? Because of Natasha. But the real reason Steve can understand some extent of it, is because that's what was on everyone's mind after the snap. Conversations in group changed from why did I live after the war, to how am I still living when I felt my wife turn to ash in my arms? No one knew why they were the ones who survived, as opposed to the people they loved most. It was devastating.
He squeezes Tony's hand when he can, brushes his cheek when he can, kisses his forehead when he can. All to just let Tony know that yeah, he gets it, and he's still listening.
It isn't near the end though, that Steve realizes before Tony's done where he's going with this. But hearing him say the words And that's you. feels like a well of emotions hitting him square in the chest. There's a lot Steve wants to say, and he'll say them soon, but all he wants to do first is to kiss Tony again. When he leans in this time, his free hand wraps up against the back of Tony's neck and into his hair, and for the first time, there's a sense that Steve isn't holding anything back anymore. There's real love in that kiss. ]
you’re fine! sorry about mine too though, that’s what i get for posting too early the in morning
[ Those reassurances as he talks definitely help in comforting him. In reassuring him that Steve gets it, that he’s not judging him for how he had felt during whatever he’s sharing. He appreciates more than he knows, and it just makes him feel like Steve is getting deeper and deeper into his heart.
And then he pulls him in and kisses him, and Tony kisses him back as he more or less melts against him again. His insecurities had caused him to already start questioning if he should have said everything he said, if it was too much too soon, but his answer comes before the doubt could actually settle. Steve’s lips, without saying a single thing, quiet down the thoughts in his head and Tony kisses him deeper. As if to silently thank him for this, for being here.
As if to tell him that he feels that love from him. He also feels that love for him, and he’s just so goddamned thankful for it that he can’t even believe it’s real. ]
[ He gets lost in Tony for a while. The way his lips feel. The warmth to his body. The lingering smell of campfire smoke. And of course, the undeniable connection that he feels between them. ]
I don't mind the health stuff, Tony. [ His voice is breathy, because this time and the next few times Steve talks, he's talking in-between one kiss and another. ] I like being there for you. [ He smiles, even as their lips find each other again. ] I like that maybe one day, you'll need me. [ Steve presses his body closer now, and there's barely any place left on the couch for Tony to go. ] Because I can't believe how fast I'm falling for you.
[ In a way, it all feels like his feels are moving lightning fast. But maybe instead, that lightning struck a long time ago, and only now are the two of them feeling the thunder. ]
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noble_sentiments) wrote2019-04-28 12:02 pm
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But now, seeing that surprise on Tony's face and the beautiful, heart-pulling smile that comes after, Steve realizes that maybe, based on whatever experiences Tony's has had in the past, people didn't quite treat him right, or maybe, through no fault of anyone's, things just hadn't worked out long enough for Tony to see what a good relationship looks like. Or at least, the way Steve thinks good relationships should work.
That kiss makes it hard for Steve to think. But there's something he wants to tell Tony. ]
You. [ He says, looking into Tony's eyes like he's the most beautiful man in the world. ] Tony Stark. Deserve everything. [ Steve smiles then, for just a moment. ] You deserve all the love the world has to offer. I want you to know that. And that I think that.
[ As for groups though, it's something that Steve's excited to share with Tony. ] I started back when I lived in D.C. Though, I didn't go as often back then. Sam got me into it. He used to run one for veterans trying to adjust back to living at home. Now I help him out when I can. During those five years, I went almost every other day.
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I feel like I do have everything right now, right here, with you.
[ He kisses him again before listening to him talk about the group sessions, and Tony smiles. ]
That’s great. Did it help?
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And yeah, the kisses are starting to get quite distracting. ]
I think so. There are moments where knowing that there are other people is enough. [ He lets out a small sigh. ] But there are a lot of moments where I sat in that chair and had no idea how to move forward.
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Tony gives Steve’s hand a gentle squeeze as he speaks, in appreciation for Steve sharing this with him. ]
In general, or in the last five years?
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Both? But for different reasons. The last five years... [ Steve shakes his head as he gives Tony's hand a squeeze, to comfort himself this time. ] ...felt impossible. Like I was trying to help everyone else move on. But I knew that I wasn't. And I was even more resistant to even trying. It's why I ended up moving out of the compound. Natasha wasn't moving on either. [ The thought of her, and what she meant to both of them, brings a sad smile to Steve's lips. ] And when she and I were together? Felt like we made each other regress.
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Tony’s lips mirror the same sad smile, because he misses her. He wasn’t as close to her as Steve was, but he does miss her a lot. Some days he still struggles with the survivor guilt that he was able to make it when she couldn’t. ]
I’m sorry I wasn’t there. I don’t know how much I would have been able to help [ he adds, apologetic because its the truth ] but I wish I could have done more for both of you.
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Steve smiles gently when Tony says he wishes he could've done more, but after a moment, he just shakes his head a little. ] I'm not sure anything could've helped us much. But I love that you wanted to. [ He takes a deep breath. ] Ultimately, all we wanted was to for everyone to come back. [ At that thought though, Steve looks over at Tony's eyes and smiles again. ] You did do that for us. For everyone. She would've been proud of you.
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When Steve brings up what he did, though, Tony’s smile grows a bit more but it’s more modest than anything else. This isn’t the first time someone has brought up what he did, but to Tony he didn’t do anything overly extraordinary. Whatever it takes, right? He had just taken it very seriously. ]
I hope she is. I couldn’t let her sacrifice go to waste. [ He stays quiet for a moment before his smile turns more sad than anything else. ] I didn’t know Bruce tried to bring her back, but I did, too. I guess we could only get one wish out of the snap, though.
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Steve nods. ] I...
A lot happened when I took the stones back. But with the soul stone ... [ Steve clears his throat. He's never really told anyone that he got to see her body, and even with how comforting Tony is, Steve's still not sure he can get the sentence out without choking up first. So in the end, he decides to go with something simpler to say. ] I tried to get her back too. To trade something for her. The stone itself, maybe.
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I’m sorry. Maybe there’s something else we can figure out. We thought the first snap would never be undone, and now that has all changed. Maybe one day we can also bring her back.
[ He can only hope, anyway. He doesn’t know how many laws of time they’d be breaking if they did that, but for one of their own, Tony would do it. She deserves to be here, alive after everything she did. ]
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No, Tony. [ He says, shaking his head gently. ] Maybe one day. But I'm not trying to ask you for that.
[ He's certainly not going to give up hope for Natasha if Tony truly believes there's a way. But something about this feels much more final than anything that's come before it.
And when Steve leans in to kiss Tony again this time, the way he lingers seems to say I'm so grateful you're still here. ]
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[ The reassurance is quiet, gentle. If he could reach over, he’d brush his thumb gently along that furrowed brow, as if to gently reassure him it’s okay. It wouldn’t be just for him that he’d try. It’s for Natasha. And partly probably even for himself, considering the guilt he sometimes feels that he’s here but she isn’t, but it’s mainly because she was their friend. Their family. Like Steve, he does feel the finality in it all, but at the same time Tony can’t bring himself to accept that.
Then again, he has never dealt well with grief and loss.
At the kiss, Tony kisses him back, willing to stay pressed close to Steve as long as he’ll have him. Tony had questioned for years why Strange had saved him, why he was worth the time stone when others clearly weren’t. It had crushed him. The realization that he was meant to do the third snap has been his answer and for a while he had assumed that was it. He was done for. Even while in Wakanda, on his worst days, he wondered if the radiation poisoning would be too much for Shuri and Helen to fix. And then he had survived and Tony hadn’t understood why. Why did he get to live when Natasha didn’t. He still doesn’t get it but, being here and now, he can’t help but be thankful. For Steve. For this millionth chance. For getting a chance to be happy, actually happy.
When he pulls back, it’s that gratitude for this - for Steve that reflects in his eyes as it mingles with the affection he feels for him. ]
...I still can’t believe this is real. In a good way. The best way.
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Steve smiles, finally, when he does pull back, forehead still gently pressed against Tony, and he hears Tony say that. ]
The best way. [ He repeats, eyes closed. ]
Can I tell you something?
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Yes, please. [ He closes his eyes, too. ] What is it?
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Remember our mission? When you took us even further back, for the Tesseract? You ran into Howard and I— ... I never told you, but I got to catch a glimpse of Peggy. Just a couple of seconds. She never saw me. Turns out, I'd somehow stumbled into her office when I was avoiding security.
[ His eyes are still closed, almost like he's watching the whole thing replay in his head, and he's just describing what he sees. ]
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Was it hard, not saying something to her?
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But when Tony asks that second question, he can't help but chuckle reluctantly. ] In a way. It didn't take that much, because I wasn't prepared, you know? She was on the other side of a glass window. The shades were only turned halfway. Honestly ... the only thing I could focus on at the time was making sure I could still see her. And then she left.
[ Even though he pauses there, it doesn't feel like Steve is quite done. ]
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So, he just waits to see if Steve wants to continue sharing. If he does, or if he chooses not to, Tony just gently moves his thumb gently against Steve’s hand, trying to be comforting. ]
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After a few moments, Steve keeps going. He needs to tell somebody, and now, because of many reasons, Tony feels like the perfect person. ]
So it turns out that I'm not as strong as people think I am.
When I went to return the space stone, well, I couldn't exactly re-create the Tesseract. I knew that SHIELD needed to be in possession of it, somehow, to preserve the timeline. So I... I went to Howard. I figured, he'd know, at least, how to build a new container for it. And once I went to Howard... well, there was no keepin' it from Peggy.
[ Steve opens his eyes then, forehead scrunching a little against Tony's because he's looking up toward him, to try and catch a glimpse of his expression. Either way though, now that he's admitted to maybe messing up the timeline, he might as well get this whole thing out. ]
Peg, she was—... everything I remembered her to be, but even stronger. More resilient. Beautiful. I spent a couple days with her. [ He smiles. ] Finally gave her that dance she'd asked me for before I'd gone into the ice. [ Steve sighs. This is where things stopped being perfect. ] Both of us, I think, realized then, that maybe ... if we wanted to, I coulda stayed. Permanently, back in time. I could tell a big part of her wanted it. I definitely did.
But. [ Obviously, Steve didn't. ] The longer I was there, the more I realized that if I stayed, I'd be ruining her life. [ He glances over at Tony again, then. ] She'd finally started to move on. She'd just started seeing this guy, and from what I could remember from the pictures she'd shown me, he was gonna be the one. One day, they'd get married and she'd have two beautiful kids, and fifty years later she'd tell me about how happy she's been.
Of course, she didn't know those things and I didn't tell her. But she was considering throwing it all away for me. I don't know how she would've picked, in the end, because when your dad finished the container for the stone — I told Peggy I had to go back. That the timeline couldn't handle it if I stayed. That there'd be repercussions neither of us would know how to handle. She understood.
The last thing she told me before I left, was that she wanted me to have faith. To be open to the idea of finding someone in my own time. To be open to the idea of being happy.
[ He takes a deep breath then, squeezing Tony's hand as he smiles and looks at him a whole new way. ] Honestly, I didn't think I had a chance. Finding someone and being able to settle down never seemed to be in the cards for me. Until yesterday. Until you said you wanted to kiss me and ...
Let's just say I spent a long time wondering if I'd made the wrong choice. If I should've said to hell with the other guy, to timelines, and just stayed with her. But god, Tony this is going to sound so sappy, but... After the last 36 hours, I'm starting to feel like there was a reason why I had to come back instead. That reason is you, Tony.
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Well. If he’s honest, even before Steve says that he could have stayed, the thought already filters into Tony’s head. Because why wouldn’t he be tempted? Steve could have gotten back everything he lost when he went into the ice. Peggy, Howard. He could have had the life he once would have had. The surprise leads to an understanding because, if he would have stayed, Tony wouldn’t have faulted him for it. There’s no way he could have.
But then Steve continues, and although he doesn’t say anything, a tiny smile crosses his lips, sympathetic. And, god. How can steve say he’s not strong when he had walked away from the life that their line of duty had costed him?
And Steve keeps talking, and...when he says what he says - that sappy thing, as he calls it - his smile grows before he chuckles softly. Warmly. ]
It’s not sappy. At all. I’ll tell you why in a bit - but I just want to say first that I think you’re stronger than you give yourself credit for. Do you know how many people would have stayed back? You sacrificed your happiness again for the sake of that timeline.
[ His smile softens. ] Peggy saved me more times than I think she ever realized. I don’t know if you know that. And...it sounds like that version of her saved me, too. Because, as selfish as it is, her telling you all that and agreeing to you coming back is what has you here with me now.
[ He pulls back just enough to see him, a small smile on his face. ]
Now. Do you want to know why I don’t think you’re sappy?
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But that comment about Peggy makes Steve's eyebrows lift in surprise. The two of them had never talked about Peggy much. He listens to the right though, smiling again at the end.
And his answer, Steve just nods, eyes skeptical but hopeful, before he adds: ] And after that I want to know more about how many times Peggy's saved you.
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For a long time I didn’t think I’d ever find anyone I’d be able to find anyone that...you know. I could make this work with. Pepper and I tried a few times, and don’t get me wrong. She has always meant a lot to me. But ultimately it just never fully worked. We wanted different things; she wanted me to step back from being Iron Man, and while I thought I could give that to her, I couldn’t. Not completely. Not when I thought maybe I could still do something to help, wherever it was needed.
[ He sighs under his breath. ] We almost got married after the Accords. Then after Titan, we almost tried again. I more or less gave up being Iron Man then, after all. It would have made sense. But, even then, it just...didn’t work. So I figured that was it from that end, and I was okay with that. I’ve never figured I was good for relationships, anyway. And this gig - it’s a lot for someone to accept. Even retired, the aftershocks of it all is a lot for someone to understand.
[ He pauses for a moment, but it doesn’t last very long. ] After Titan, I also struggled a lot with the fact that I had been spared. I should have died, Steve. During the first fight with Thanos, he almost killed me. Strange - the man that had the time stone - traded the stone with Thanos for me, and it didn’t make any sense as to why. Especially when everyone disappeared. It just didn’t seem fair, that so many people could just be gone and I had been spared, especially when it didn’t seem like there was a purpose behind it all.
But then, the whole time heist happened, and I thought maybe I had been spared to figure out the time travel piece. On the battlefield, though, it all clicked. Out of fourteen million scenarios Strange had seen, we could only win in one, and that was it. Me doing the snap... That’s what I had been spared to do. I was fine with it, too. Whatever outcome came from it - and I was expecting the worst one for myself - I could make peace with it on the spot, because I just wanted him gone.
When I woke up in Wakanda, I couldn’t understand why again. Especially on the worst days. I had been spared again, and while I’m thankful for it, I couldn’t understand why. Up until yesterday, actually, I still couldn’t.
[ He pauses again, because the sensation of baring himself like this makes him feel very vulnerable, but...he trusts Steve. It’s that trust in him that helps him share all this with him. ]
I guess long story short... During the last 36 hours, it feels like it’s all clicking again. The why behind failed relationships, behind getting yet another chance. I feel like I get it now, with you. And believe me, I figured I was actually done with relationships. I still don’t know if I’m that great at them, and I hate subjecting you to be here for all the health junk I’m still dealing with, but... It feels like whatever I had been waiting for, that proverbial explanation behind it all, is finally here. I feel like the reason I was given more time by Shuri and Helen wasn’t to save the world anymore, but to find the piece in my life that had been missing. And that’s you.
omg I'm so sorry my previous tag had so many typos
But the moments where Steve feels for Tony the most — is all the moments in his life when he couldn't understand why he was still alive. After Titan. After the snap. Steve imagines that those aren't the only two times Tony's felt this way, and Steve gets it. Survivor's guilt. Both of them feel it now, don't they? Because of Natasha. But the real reason Steve can understand some extent of it, is because that's what was on everyone's mind after the snap. Conversations in group changed from why did I live after the war, to how am I still living when I felt my wife turn to ash in my arms? No one knew why they were the ones who survived, as opposed to the people they loved most. It was devastating.
He squeezes Tony's hand when he can, brushes his cheek when he can, kisses his forehead when he can. All to just let Tony know that yeah, he gets it, and he's still listening.
It isn't near the end though, that Steve realizes before Tony's done where he's going with this. But hearing him say the words And that's you. feels like a well of emotions hitting him square in the chest. There's a lot Steve wants to say, and he'll say them soon, but all he wants to do first is to kiss Tony again. When he leans in this time, his free hand wraps up against the back of Tony's neck and into his hair, and for the first time, there's a sense that Steve isn't holding anything back anymore. There's real love in that kiss. ]
you’re fine! sorry about mine too though, that’s what i get for posting too early the in morning
And then he pulls him in and kisses him, and Tony kisses him back as he more or less melts against him again. His insecurities had caused him to already start questioning if he should have said everything he said, if it was too much too soon, but his answer comes before the doubt could actually settle. Steve’s lips, without saying a single thing, quiet down the thoughts in his head and Tony kisses him deeper. As if to silently thank him for this, for being here.
As if to tell him that he feels that love from him. He also feels that love for him, and he’s just so goddamned thankful for it that he can’t even believe it’s real. ]
SAME
I don't mind the health stuff, Tony. [ His voice is breathy, because this time and the next few times Steve talks, he's talking in-between one kiss and another. ] I like being there for you. [ He smiles, even as their lips find each other again. ] I like that maybe one day, you'll need me. [ Steve presses his body closer now, and there's barely any place left on the couch for Tony to go. ] Because I can't believe how fast I'm falling for you.
[ In a way, it all feels like his feels are moving lightning fast. But maybe instead, that lightning struck a long time ago, and only now are the two of them feeling the thunder. ]
❤️
wow I also didn't mean to say "his feels" b/c Steve is not a millenial
it’s what being around each other does to them, they are going crazy ;)
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feel free to go vague and let time pass, I'm starting to set that up
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they're so soft and cute
yesss they’re adorable ❤️
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