fillers or aus i would love to play running list; if you're interested in any of this, throw up a starter and i am there
steve + peggy
Peggy and Steve's reunion when he returns to the past.
That dance scene. /sobs
Anything about their life afterward.
steve + tony
Conversations about Peggy or Howard, or anything else they'd talk about during their 2-man mission to the past
First time Steve and Tony interact after Tony calls Steve out on how failing together sucks.
Did Steve and Tony ever talk during those 5 years? If so, what did that look like?
[au] Tony survives, but Steve doesn't know that when he goes back in time. So now Steve is really old and Tony is not.
[au] Tony survives and Steve comes back from returning the stones and they rebuild their relationship
steve + natasha
Awful life at Avengers compound before Ant-Man, basically lots of hurt/comfort with each other
[au] When Steve tells Natasha that maybe they should both move on, he asks her out on a date — it becomes a very sad attempt at moving on, but it's also a sad kind of solace.
steve + bucky
Honestly, they barely got any time back together. Steve and Buck MUST have talked before Steve just decided to go back in the past. Possible convo where he admits he's not coming back, and asking Bucky if he wants to return back to their time with him?
steve + anyone
So ... you can so Mjolnir now?
Conversations with various characters when he returns the stones to their rightful place in the past
Someone insisting on going back in time with Steve, and they return all the stones together and this person convinces Steve to come back (or, is convinced that he really doesn't want to)
shuri + anyone
Rebuilding the world from Wakanda
Meeting the other avengers
One-uping our science bros during reconstruction :D
tony stark (AI) + morgan/anyone
I imagine this will be mostly sass.
And with everyone who is not Morgan, this will basically be him joking about how he's going to live forever.
[ With Tony's permission, Steve walks into the closet itself, but he doesn't open any drawers. Instead, he just peruses anything Tony has hanging, and when he gets the offer to put some of his own clothes here, Steve turns back around to Tony. ]
Are you ... giving me permission to leave clothes here?
[ It's not actually what Steve had in mind, but the grin on his face tells Tony that he appreciates what an offer like that can mean sometimes. ]
Yeah. I mean, if you want to. If we’re going to be exploring other trails, and we have ... you know. ‘incidents’ [ he adds with a mischievous smirk ] like last night, it might not hurt to have clothes in here.
No pressure, though. Just ... you know. If you want to.
[ Steve has to clear his throat for a moment after Tony says that, as he pretends like he can't feel the heat rising in his cheeks again. ]
I'd like that. [ It seems like he's never really going to stop smiling this weekend, is he? ] Next time I come over, I'll bring a few things.
[ Why does he get the feeling that sooner rather than later, they might just end up living together? ]
The reason I wanted to see the closet, though— [ He says, as he confirms that at least right away, he can't find what he's looking for. ] Do you remember that plaid shirt you wore, when we were hiding out at Clint's farm? Any chance you've still got it? [ You know, it's just the shirt that Tony was wearing when the two of them were forced to bunk in the same room for the first time. ]
[ There’s a moment that Tony wonders if he went too far in suggesting that, but well. Maybe it’s part of him already wanting Steve to spend more time here. Tony loves his cabin, but it’d be nice to share it with someone he cares about.
When he agrees to it, Tony’s smile widens. ] Good.
[ When Steve mentions the purpose of being here, Tony mouths a ‘ah’ before moving towards where his shirts are. And, sure enough, he pulls the hanger the plaid shirt is hanging from. ]
[ Steve's eyes follow Tony to the hanger, and even before Tony's taken it down Steve can tell it's the one. ]
Brings back a lot of memories, doesn't it?
[ He just looks at it for a moment and then back at Tony. ]
I was kinda hopin' you'd let me take it home. [ There's a bashfulness to the way Steve asks, but he keeps going. ] After all, you look pretty comfortable in my shirt. [ As he says that, Steve tugs gently at the edge of one of the sleeves on the shirt Tony's wearing, straightening it out. ] Only fair that I have one too. For when you're not around.
[ They had roomed together then, but never in a million years would he have thought they’d end up here, now. Especially with how tense things were then. He’s just thankful they’ve gotten to such a good spot now.
At the request, Tony’s features soften and he can’t help but lean in for another kiss. ]
I think that’s fair. If this is the one you want, then you’re welcome to take it. [ He smiles, tilting his head slightly as if curiously. ] Does that mean I get to keep yours?
[ Steve just smiles and nods as his yes. ] Though, you're welcome to pick anything you'd like from my closet. That said. I don't think this is a surprise, but, most of my shirts look pretty much the same.
[ Steve's got cotton shirts, button-ups and some jackets to go on top of that. That's...about it. ]
So, what would you normally be doing? On a lazy afternoon.
[ Steve’s shirts may look the same, but the fact alone that they’re his make them perfect nonetheless.
He steals another quick peck. ]
On a lazy afternoon? Put some music on, and just tinker or work on something with the tablet in the room downstairs. Nothing too wild. Probably a bit predictable.
We can do whatever you want, though. If you’re tired we can take a nap, or just hang out by the fire.
[ Honestly, Steve wouldn't mind spending the afternoon on that couch downstairs, watching Tony work. Maybe even sketching him as he does. But after last night, he doesn't want to spend a lot of time physically apart from Tony — as sappy as that seems. ]
Let's go to that couch downstairs. The one right next to all the big windows.
[ As they walk downstairs, Tony brings up Steve’s hand so he can press a kiss against his knuckles. Once they get downstairs, Tony lets go of his hand only so he can set the tablets aside and he can move the pillows so they can have plenty of room to lounge in. Before laying down, he cracks open one of the windows just enough to let the soft breeze in, and the sounds of their surroundings. With the view of the lake, and the tranquil area the cabin is in, Tony has obviously fallen in love with the space.
Once they get settled, Tony kisses Steve’s cheek before letting out a happy sigh under his breath. He might end up dozing off at some point - the hike has been the most physical activity he has done in a while, and to be quite honest, this is the happiest he has been in a while, too. ]
[ The breeze from the open window feels light and airy, and as Steve settles himself on the couch, he chuckles. ]
I forgot what cushions feel like.
[ They did, in fact, sleep on the actual ground like night after all, even if there were sleeping bags beneath them. But now, as he sets one arm on the edge of the sofa, and invites Tony to lay down inside the pocket between his other arm and his chest, Steve can feel the comfort of it all set in.
It would've been incredibly difficult for them to be like this before, but now, being around Tony feels so easy. ]
So am I. [ He whispers, placing a small kiss on Tony's temple.
And honestly, once they're all settled and Steve has Tony in his arms again, he already knows that sooner or later, they'll both fall asleep. The weather is perfect, the heat their bodies make together is incredibly cozy, and he's ... happy. It's been a very long time since Steve has allowed himself to just be happy. ]
Do you have any idea— [ He asks, his voice quiet and intimate. ] —when it was, that I first thought you were ... very handsome?
[ Sleeping with Steve in the tent had been special, especially with it being their first time, but just laying here with him is so perfect that Tony can’t wipe the content smile off his face. It’s there as he settles against him, comfortable in his arm and just enjoying his presence.
His smile widens, though, when Steve speaks and he turns to look at him curiously. ]
When? I mean if you don’t say right away I might be a bit offended. [ He’s joking, and it shows by the smartass smirk. ] But no, seriously. When was it? I am curious about that...
[ Steve chuckles at that, and given how they're cuddled together, the laughter vibrates off his body and into Tony. ]
After the Battle of New York. [ He answers, nostalgically. ] After Hulk ripped your faceplate off, and I was trying to figure out if there was any way to do CPR, even if I had to do it through your suit. But then Hulk screamed. [ He smiles. ] And you woke up.
Just like that. I thought. Boy. Tony Stark sure is handsome.
Maybe it was just the adrenaline and how much I wanted you to be alive. But then we went to that shawarma place later and everyone was so exhausted to their bones. I was too. But there were a couple times when I sneaked a look at you.
[ The answer actually surprises him, and Tony can’t quite contain it as his eyebrows raise slightly. His smile softens, though, because this is the first time he hears about that day from Steve’s point of view. He wanted to do CPR through the suit. And...yeah, he definitely hadn’t expected that to be the answer. ]
Really? That early, huh? I’m flattered.
If I’m honest, i don’t think I ever thought you’d think of me in...you know. This way.
Hey— [ Steve says in good-natured protest. ] Just because I thought you were handsome doesn't mean my thoughts took me anywhere else.
[ When Tony admits he doesn't think Steve would ever think of him like this though, Steve just smiles and runs one of his hands through Tony's hair. ]
Honestly Tony. I never thought I would either, but ... that's mostly because I- well, let's just say that reciprocation is important to me. And I always kinda thought you just ... tolerated having me around.
Oh I know, but still. Attraction starts somewhere.
[ He closes his eyes briefly as Steve starts carding his fingers through his hair, his smile growing before he opens them again. Until Steve says that he thought he just tolerated him, and Tony is surprised again. ]
No, no. It was never ... that. We clashed, sure. We’re both too stubborn for our own good sometimes. But I’ve always thought very highly of you.
[ He makes a face, as if embarrassed to admit this, but... ]
I actually never figured you actually liked me. It always felt like we were too opposite for you to ... well. You know.
[ And then Siberia happened, which felt like it proved it, but he doesn’t mention that. It’s been too long, they’ve been moved on much much past that. He’ll never mention it, but that’s where his brain had gone to at the time. ]
Do you want to know when I started finding you attractive? It’s only fair if I share too, yeah?
[ Steve grins. Yes, attraction does start somewhere. As for the rest... ]
We disagreed a lot, didn't we? [ He asks in a light-hearted way that's only possible now, holding each other. ] But I always knew you were smart. Resourceful. That you'd never back down from protecting the people you love.
[ When Tony says he's always thought very highly of him though, Steve feels his heart melt a little. Even if it doesn't bother him anymore, he remembers how much Tony's comment about specialness and bottles had really stung. Back then, Steve hadn't been awake from the ice that long. He'd already been dealing with feeling obsolete and like he didn't belong. The comment about the bottle had felt like a stab at the last thing Steve had left: his identity. At the memory, Steve hugs Tony a little closer, breathing him in as he does. ]
I wish we'd had more time together. After Ultron, but before the whole mess with the Accords. I'm willing to bet a lot of things would've been different. As for liking you. [ Steve smiles empathetically. He knows what Tony means. He'd felt the same way, after all. ] If I'd known it was important to you, I would've told you. I think the closest I ever got to saying something like that was when I told you I'd miss you.
[ Steve grins again though when Tony asks if Steve wants to know his first moment, and if it's only fair that he shares too. The answer is a resounding: ] Yes. Definitely.
Mm, we did. I think I was just jealous. It’s stupid, especially looking back at it now, but it was mainly me with the issue. You were all I heard about for years, and I wasn’t all that well adjusted. Then I actually met you, and— Well. I’ve never met anyone like you - I almost couldn’t believe you were real. That someone could actually be like you. Which isn’t an excuse, but that’s...how my mind worked, I guess. So that’s on me.
[ He shifts his position slightly so he can be burrowed slightly closer against Steve. He’s so damn glad that all those stupid arguments and dumb insecurities are gone now. That they can do this. That they can feel this calm just holding each other. ]
I wish that, too. [ He pauses for a moment. ] I should have stayed, I just couldn’t. Hell, I was surprised after Ultron you didn’t kick me out. So I just kinda...kicked myself out before you could.
[ He stays silent for a moment before adding, as if to further explain himself. He had shared this with Strange on the way to Titan, but never with anyone else. Not even Pepper, who saw the worst of his PTSD and how much the battle in Manhattan had messed with him. It might not make much of a difference now, but at the same time maybe Steve would want to know this. One of the many dark corners of Tony Stark’s mind. ] I...had been trying to figure out a solution for Thanos since Manhattan, before I even knew his name. It messed with me more than I ever let on. And, I thought Ultron was the key. When it wasn’t, and it caused so much damage, I just couldn’t stay anymore. I felt like I was more of a liability to the team if I stayed. I wanted to, but I just. couldn’t.
[ His smile returns when Steve answers that he does want to know Tony’s answer, and he looks up at him. ]
Well. Very first time? I think I was twelve. I thought you were so hot, even in that old uniform of yours. You were my first inkling that maybe I wasn’t exactly heterosexual. After I met you, on the hellicarrier. When you went to talk with me after Fury’s big speech about heroes, and you were wearing that undershirt and your uniform pants... Not exactly the most appropriate time, but that’s kinda how my mind worked with you, apparently. Because when you ripped that log in half at Clint’s? I was mesmerized.
Jealous? [ Steve repeats, softly and in complete surprise. It shows too, in his eyes and the way his eyebrows inch up. But when Tony says that thinking that way is all on him, and then later, that he'd kicked himself out after Ultron, Steve brushes Tony's hair away and plants a soft, loving kiss on his forehead. Then, he takes two breaths there before planting one more kiss. ]
For what it's worth. I never would've kicked you out. [ Steve's voice is still soft and quiet. Like everything he's saying is meant for Tony and only Tony. ] As bad as Ultron became, you also created his counterpart. Vision. He meant so much to all of us. To Wanda especially. [ Steve grins. ] Heck. Vision was worthy from the moment he was born. That's better than most of us. [ A pause. ] I've always wondered... You're so smart, Tony. Smarter than anyone I've ever known. You invent things that no one else has imagined, even when you have access to all the same basic parts. It must be hard. I bet—... I bet you always gotta go where your mind takes you.
[ But the story of when Tony first saw Steve, as a boy, just twelve years old, is so touching it makes Steve sigh against him. He smiles through the whole story and he can't help but kiss Tony multiple times as he tells it. At the end though, when Tony mentions him ripping that log in half, Steve's lips curl into a half smirk as he blushes just a little. ] Oh yeah? [ His voice gets just a little quieter, even if the smirk's still there. ] Did you ever think that years later, in a tent, that same guy would rip your shirt open? [ And yeah, Steve's bringing it up because he's starting to put the pieces together. Tony really likes it when he rips things. ]
[ All this is a lot more embarrassing to admit than he had expected, to the point that he feels almost hesitant to hear Steve’s reaction. But - especially with their past - he wants to be honest with him. About everything. It’s easier now, considering one of his biggest demons has finally been put to rest, but he wants to believe he would have tried even without that nonetheless.
But then Steve kisses his forehead, and now it’s Tony’s turn to be surprised. He’s thankful, though, that Steve is ... well Steve, and that their relationship is like this now because it makes it even easier in wanting to be honest with him. It’s still ironic to him, that Wanda got Vision out of the whole Ultron situation - especially since Tony ended up making Ultron due to the horrible images she brought to the surface, but...that’s one thing he won’t say. ]
No, this one was... I mean, yeah. My brain doesn’t necessarily stop. But Ultron was different. A lot different than anything else, for a whole lot of reasons.
[ He doesn’t elaborate because he doesn’t know if Steve wants to know. But if he wants to know, he’ll tell him.
As Steve kisses him, Tony smiles and kisses him back until he grins at Steve’s question. ] I was hoping you would. But did I think it would happen? No. Gotta tell ya, though, I’m pretty glad I was wrong.
What kind of reasons? [ He asks because Steve wants to know. Frankly, he'd like to get to know everything about Tony, as much as that's possible. But Steve also picks up on the fact that Tony didn't exactly just blurt it out, so he shifts his body just a little, maybe taking a little too much joy in how easy it is to shift Tony with him. And in the end, he cuddles him so Tony's back is facing the couch, and his chest is pressed up against Steve.
It's just a little cocoon that Tony can burrow into as much as he likes. Warm and safe — with the occasional forest breeze passing overhead. ]
[ A small smile crosses his face as Steve shifts, creating that safe space for them. Even though there’s no one else in the house, and even if FRIDAY is on standby, it just makes him feel like this is their other little corner of the world. A haven, of sorts. ]
I...had a really hard time adjusting to what happened after Manhattan. Like, really bad. Nightmares, insomnia, panic attacks, you name it. All I could think of was what would happen when the next invasion came up. Thanos, in a lot of ways, was in my head long, long before his goonies actually landed for the Time Stone.
[ He sighs. ] I didn’t tell anyone, but the vision that Wanda made me see was...well. What Thanos almost did. I saw the whole team dead. I saw you dead [ he adds, his brow furrowing slightly ] and there was nothing for me to do to stop it. Just watch you all dead while his army made it back to Earth.
When I got a chance to use the scepter, and actually accomplish that armor around the world I wanted - that’s why I took it. That’s why I just ran with it how I did. I felt like I had to do something before that inevitable catastrophe came to us. Turns out it did, anyway [ he says with a dry sort of smirk ] and...all that shit happened. He knew who I was, just how I knew he’d be coming.
[ He pauses for a moment before giving Steve a small smile. ] ...welcome to one of the darkest corners of my mind. I didn’t know how to tell you - or anyone, really.
[ When Tony talks about his nightmares and the other things that haunted him, Steve feels more helpless than he's willing to admit. As he runs his hands gently through Tony's hair, he wonders if there was anything he could've done for Tony, if he'd only known.
It isn't until he hears I saw you dead though, that the lines appear on Steve's forehead, partially in concern, partially because while there are many terrible things Steve used to have nightmares about, it had never included the final catastrophe that Thanos created. ] I can't imagine what that would've been like. [ He whispers, when Tony pauses. ]
You never told anyone? [ Not even Rhodes? Steve wonders. ]
No. Not specific details, anyway. When it was just a mention of Manhattan, it was like I was exaggerating. Like it mattered but at the same time I was just obsessing over it.
[ Bruce had fallen asleep when he had tried to tell him. He still remembers Pepper walking out of the room after one of his nightmares - which he understands why it happened, considering the suit had scared her as it tried to protect him - but watching her walk out while he could hardly catch his breath had chipped at him. Rhodey had been concerned about his lack of sleep, but he still remembers the way he sarcastically said he couldn’t remember what he was talking about when he mentioned the portal that had opened up to let Thanos’ army come through. ]
By the time Wanda made me see...that, talking about it didn’t seem like it mattered. What mattered was what I could do about it. Then Ultron happened, Pepper and I broke up, the Accords... Not exactly a whole lot of opportunities to mention anything. And it didn’t feel like it mattered if I did. It’d just be me obsessing again. So I just kept trying to find an answer, but nothing worked.
[ That’s why he had taken Thanos’ initial victory so hard. The failure, plus the grief of losing Peter, had been too much. That’s why he had come here, to try to heal from it all. ]
Sorry. I didn’t mean for this to turn into such a downer, I just... I want you to be able to understand better why I did what I did. It wasn’t a rash decision, just more of a desperate one. I hated the idea of watching you all die. I hated the idea of losing you.
[ It certainly all fits. The way Tony was acting back then, how he only talked to the team about the threat from space once before he never really brought it up again. How he created Ultron in secret. ]
Hey— [ He starts to interrupt when Tony apologizes, but Tony's not done talking, so Steve stays silent and listens until he's done. What he doesn't expect is for Tony to add on that last line. That he hated the idea of losing him, like it has some special meaning. But now doesn't seem like the time to ask if Tony meant Steve, or the all-encompassing "you" that is the Avengers, so even though he looks like he's going to ask a question, Steve stops. ]
There's no need to apologize— [ He starts. ] —I can't believe I had no idea. [ Steve moves himself closer to Tony then, one his hands sliding down to Tony's waist to pull him in closer still. ] And when I said I wanted to know everything about you, I meant everything.
[ Steve furrows his brow a bit then. ] I think the hardest part... Is when I think back to that time, and I ask myself, what would I have done if you'd told me? [ He shakes his head just a little, in both uncertainty and disappointment in himself, mostly. ] I don't know the answer. [ Steve's eyes leave Tony's for a bit, as he thinks on that, before coming back. ] I do know how I'd react now. But that's probably not as helpful.
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noble_sentiments) wrote2019-04-28 12:02 pm
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Are you ... giving me permission to leave clothes here?
[ It's not actually what Steve had in mind, but the grin on his face tells Tony that he appreciates what an offer like that can mean sometimes. ]
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Yeah. I mean, if you want to. If we’re going to be exploring other trails, and we have ... you know. ‘incidents’ [ he adds with a mischievous smirk ] like last night, it might not hurt to have clothes in here.
No pressure, though. Just ... you know. If you want to.
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I'd like that. [ It seems like he's never really going to stop smiling this weekend, is he? ] Next time I come over, I'll bring a few things.
[ Why does he get the feeling that sooner rather than later, they might just end up living together? ]
The reason I wanted to see the closet, though— [ He says, as he confirms that at least right away, he can't find what he's looking for. ] Do you remember that plaid shirt you wore, when we were hiding out at Clint's farm? Any chance you've still got it? [ You know, it's just the shirt that Tony was wearing when the two of them were forced to bunk in the same room for the first time. ]
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When he agrees to it, Tony’s smile widens. ] Good.
[ When Steve mentions the purpose of being here, Tony mouths a ‘ah’ before moving towards where his shirts are. And, sure enough, he pulls the hanger the plaid shirt is hanging from. ]
This one?
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Brings back a lot of memories, doesn't it?
[ He just looks at it for a moment and then back at Tony. ]
I was kinda hopin' you'd let me take it home. [ There's a bashfulness to the way Steve asks, but he keeps going. ] After all, you look pretty comfortable in my shirt. [ As he says that, Steve tugs gently at the edge of one of the sleeves on the shirt Tony's wearing, straightening it out. ] Only fair that I have one too. For when you're not around.
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[ They had roomed together then, but never in a million years would he have thought they’d end up here, now. Especially with how tense things were then. He’s just thankful they’ve gotten to such a good spot now.
At the request, Tony’s features soften and he can’t help but lean in for another kiss. ]
I think that’s fair. If this is the one you want, then you’re welcome to take it. [ He smiles, tilting his head slightly as if curiously. ] Does that mean I get to keep yours?
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[ Steve's got cotton shirts, button-ups and some jackets to go on top of that. That's...about it. ]
So, what would you normally be doing? On a lazy afternoon.
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[ Steve’s shirts may look the same, but the fact alone that they’re his make them perfect nonetheless.
He steals another quick peck. ]
On a lazy afternoon? Put some music on, and just tinker or work on something with the tablet in the room downstairs. Nothing too wild. Probably a bit predictable.
We can do whatever you want, though. If you’re tired we can take a nap, or just hang out by the fire.
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Let's go to that couch downstairs. The one right next to all the big windows.
[ He squeezes Tony's hand. ]
We can just hang out. And talk about— anything.
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Sounds good. That’s actually my favorite room.
[ As they walk downstairs, Tony brings up Steve’s hand so he can press a kiss against his knuckles. Once they get downstairs, Tony lets go of his hand only so he can set the tablets aside and he can move the pillows so they can have plenty of room to lounge in. Before laying down, he cracks open one of the windows just enough to let the soft breeze in, and the sounds of their surroundings. With the view of the lake, and the tranquil area the cabin is in, Tony has obviously fallen in love with the space.
Once they get settled, Tony kisses Steve’s cheek before letting out a happy sigh under his breath. He might end up dozing off at some point - the hike has been the most physical activity he has done in a while, and to be quite honest, this is the happiest he has been in a while, too. ]
I’m glad you’re staying.
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I forgot what cushions feel like.
[ They did, in fact, sleep on the actual ground like night after all, even if there were sleeping bags beneath them. But now, as he sets one arm on the edge of the sofa, and invites Tony to lay down inside the pocket between his other arm and his chest, Steve can feel the comfort of it all set in.
It would've been incredibly difficult for them to be like this before, but now, being around Tony feels so easy. ]
So am I. [ He whispers, placing a small kiss on Tony's temple.
And honestly, once they're all settled and Steve has Tony in his arms again, he already knows that sooner or later, they'll both fall asleep. The weather is perfect, the heat their bodies make together is incredibly cozy, and he's ... happy. It's been a very long time since Steve has allowed himself to just be happy. ]
Do you have any idea— [ He asks, his voice quiet and intimate. ] —when it was, that I first thought you were ... very handsome?
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His smile widens, though, when Steve speaks and he turns to look at him curiously. ]
When? I mean if you don’t say right away I might be a bit offended. [ He’s joking, and it shows by the smartass smirk. ] But no, seriously. When was it? I am curious about that...
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After the Battle of New York. [ He answers, nostalgically. ] After Hulk ripped your faceplate off, and I was trying to figure out if there was any way to do CPR, even if I had to do it through your suit. But then Hulk screamed. [ He smiles. ] And you woke up.
Just like that. I thought. Boy. Tony Stark sure is handsome.
Maybe it was just the adrenaline and how much I wanted you to be alive. But then we went to that shawarma place later and everyone was so exhausted to their bones. I was too. But there were a couple times when I sneaked a look at you.
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Really? That early, huh? I’m flattered.
If I’m honest, i don’t think I ever thought you’d think of me in...you know. This way.
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[ When Tony admits he doesn't think Steve would ever think of him like this though, Steve just smiles and runs one of his hands through Tony's hair. ]
Honestly Tony. I never thought I would either, but ... that's mostly because I- well, let's just say that reciprocation is important to me. And I always kinda thought you just ... tolerated having me around.
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[ He closes his eyes briefly as Steve starts carding his fingers through his hair, his smile growing before he opens them again. Until Steve says that he thought he just tolerated him, and Tony is surprised again. ]
No, no. It was never ... that. We clashed, sure. We’re both too stubborn for our own good sometimes. But I’ve always thought very highly of you.
[ He makes a face, as if embarrassed to admit this, but... ]
I actually never figured you actually liked me. It always felt like we were too opposite for you to ... well. You know.
[ And then Siberia happened, which felt like it proved it, but he doesn’t mention that. It’s been too long, they’ve been moved on much much past that. He’ll never mention it, but that’s where his brain had gone to at the time. ]
Do you want to know when I started finding you attractive? It’s only fair if I share too, yeah?
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We disagreed a lot, didn't we? [ He asks in a light-hearted way that's only possible now, holding each other. ] But I always knew you were smart. Resourceful. That you'd never back down from protecting the people you love.
[ When Tony says he's always thought very highly of him though, Steve feels his heart melt a little. Even if it doesn't bother him anymore, he remembers how much Tony's comment about specialness and bottles had really stung. Back then, Steve hadn't been awake from the ice that long. He'd already been dealing with feeling obsolete and like he didn't belong. The comment about the bottle had felt like a stab at the last thing Steve had left: his identity. At the memory, Steve hugs Tony a little closer, breathing him in as he does. ]
I wish we'd had more time together. After Ultron, but before the whole mess with the Accords. I'm willing to bet a lot of things would've been different. As for liking you. [ Steve smiles empathetically. He knows what Tony means. He'd felt the same way, after all. ] If I'd known it was important to you, I would've told you. I think the closest I ever got to saying something like that was when I told you I'd miss you.
[ Steve grins again though when Tony asks if Steve wants to know his first moment, and if it's only fair that he shares too. The answer is a resounding: ] Yes. Definitely.
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[ He shifts his position slightly so he can be burrowed slightly closer against Steve. He’s so damn glad that all those stupid arguments and dumb insecurities are gone now. That they can do this. That they can feel this calm just holding each other. ]
I wish that, too. [ He pauses for a moment. ] I should have stayed, I just couldn’t. Hell, I was surprised after Ultron you didn’t kick me out. So I just kinda...kicked myself out before you could.
[ He stays silent for a moment before adding, as if to further explain himself. He had shared this with Strange on the way to Titan, but never with anyone else. Not even Pepper, who saw the worst of his PTSD and how much the battle in Manhattan had messed with him. It might not make much of a difference now, but at the same time maybe Steve would want to know this. One of the many dark corners of Tony Stark’s mind. ] I...had been trying to figure out a solution for Thanos since Manhattan, before I even knew his name. It messed with me more than I ever let on. And, I thought Ultron was the key. When it wasn’t, and it caused so much damage, I just couldn’t stay anymore. I felt like I was more of a liability to the team if I stayed. I wanted to, but I just. couldn’t.
[ His smile returns when Steve answers that he does want to know Tony’s answer, and he looks up at him. ]
Well. Very first time? I think I was twelve. I thought you were so hot, even in that old uniform of yours. You were my first inkling that maybe I wasn’t exactly heterosexual. After I met you, on the hellicarrier. When you went to talk with me after Fury’s big speech about heroes, and you were wearing that undershirt and your uniform pants... Not exactly the most appropriate time, but that’s kinda how my mind worked with you, apparently. Because when you ripped that log in half at Clint’s? I was mesmerized.
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For what it's worth. I never would've kicked you out. [ Steve's voice is still soft and quiet. Like everything he's saying is meant for Tony and only Tony. ] As bad as Ultron became, you also created his counterpart. Vision. He meant so much to all of us. To Wanda especially. [ Steve grins. ] Heck. Vision was worthy from the moment he was born. That's better than most of us. [ A pause. ] I've always wondered... You're so smart, Tony. Smarter than anyone I've ever known. You invent things that no one else has imagined, even when you have access to all the same basic parts. It must be hard. I bet—... I bet you always gotta go where your mind takes you.
[ But the story of when Tony first saw Steve, as a boy, just twelve years old, is so touching it makes Steve sigh against him. He smiles through the whole story and he can't help but kiss Tony multiple times as he tells it. At the end though, when Tony mentions him ripping that log in half, Steve's lips curl into a half smirk as he blushes just a little. ] Oh yeah? [ His voice gets just a little quieter, even if the smirk's still there. ] Did you ever think that years later, in a tent, that same guy would rip your shirt open? [ And yeah, Steve's bringing it up because he's starting to put the pieces together. Tony really likes it when he rips things. ]
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But then Steve kisses his forehead, and now it’s Tony’s turn to be surprised. He’s thankful, though, that Steve is ... well Steve, and that their relationship is like this now because it makes it even easier in wanting to be honest with him. It’s still ironic to him, that Wanda got Vision out of the whole Ultron situation - especially since Tony ended up making Ultron due to the horrible images she brought to the surface, but...that’s one thing he won’t say. ]
No, this one was... I mean, yeah. My brain doesn’t necessarily stop. But Ultron was different. A lot different than anything else, for a whole lot of reasons.
[ He doesn’t elaborate because he doesn’t know if Steve wants to know. But if he wants to know, he’ll tell him.
As Steve kisses him, Tony smiles and kisses him back until he grins at Steve’s question. ] I was hoping you would. But did I think it would happen? No. Gotta tell ya, though, I’m pretty glad I was wrong.
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It's just a little cocoon that Tony can burrow into as much as he likes. Warm and safe — with the occasional forest breeze passing overhead. ]
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I...had a really hard time adjusting to what happened after Manhattan. Like, really bad. Nightmares, insomnia, panic attacks, you name it. All I could think of was what would happen when the next invasion came up. Thanos, in a lot of ways, was in my head long, long before his goonies actually landed for the Time Stone.
[ He sighs. ] I didn’t tell anyone, but the vision that Wanda made me see was...well. What Thanos almost did. I saw the whole team dead. I saw you dead [ he adds, his brow furrowing slightly ] and there was nothing for me to do to stop it. Just watch you all dead while his army made it back to Earth.
When I got a chance to use the scepter, and actually accomplish that armor around the world I wanted - that’s why I took it. That’s why I just ran with it how I did. I felt like I had to do something before that inevitable catastrophe came to us. Turns out it did, anyway [ he says with a dry sort of smirk ] and...all that shit happened. He knew who I was, just how I knew he’d be coming.
[ He pauses for a moment before giving Steve a small smile. ] ...welcome to one of the darkest corners of my mind. I didn’t know how to tell you - or anyone, really.
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It isn't until he hears I saw you dead though, that the lines appear on Steve's forehead, partially in concern, partially because while there are many terrible things Steve used to have nightmares about, it had never included the final catastrophe that Thanos created. ] I can't imagine what that would've been like. [ He whispers, when Tony pauses. ]
You never told anyone? [ Not even Rhodes? Steve wonders. ]
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[ Bruce had fallen asleep when he had tried to tell him. He still remembers Pepper walking out of the room after one of his nightmares - which he understands why it happened, considering the suit had scared her as it tried to protect him - but watching her walk out while he could hardly catch his breath had chipped at him. Rhodey had been concerned about his lack of sleep, but he still remembers the way he sarcastically said he couldn’t remember what he was talking about when he mentioned the portal that had opened up to let Thanos’ army come through. ]
By the time Wanda made me see...that, talking about it didn’t seem like it mattered. What mattered was what I could do about it. Then Ultron happened, Pepper and I broke up, the Accords... Not exactly a whole lot of opportunities to mention anything. And it didn’t feel like it mattered if I did. It’d just be me obsessing again. So I just kept trying to find an answer, but nothing worked.
[ That’s why he had taken Thanos’ initial victory so hard. The failure, plus the grief of losing Peter, had been too much. That’s why he had come here, to try to heal from it all. ]
Sorry. I didn’t mean for this to turn into such a downer, I just... I want you to be able to understand better why I did what I did. It wasn’t a rash decision, just more of a desperate one. I hated the idea of watching you all die. I hated the idea of losing you.
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Hey— [ He starts to interrupt when Tony apologizes, but Tony's not done talking, so Steve stays silent and listens until he's done. What he doesn't expect is for Tony to add on that last line. That he hated the idea of losing him, like it has some special meaning. But now doesn't seem like the time to ask if Tony meant Steve, or the all-encompassing "you" that is the Avengers, so even though he looks like he's going to ask a question, Steve stops. ]
There's no need to apologize— [ He starts. ] —I can't believe I had no idea. [ Steve moves himself closer to Tony then, one his hands sliding down to Tony's waist to pull him in closer still. ] And when I said I wanted to know everything about you, I meant everything.
[ Steve furrows his brow a bit then. ] I think the hardest part... Is when I think back to that time, and I ask myself, what would I have done if you'd told me? [ He shakes his head just a little, in both uncertainty and disappointment in himself, mostly. ] I don't know the answer. [ Steve's eyes leave Tony's for a bit, as he thinks on that, before coming back. ] I do know how I'd react now. But that's probably not as helpful.
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meanwhile, this mun took a nap on a couch
mmm nap 😴
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omg I'm so sorry my previous tag had so many typos
you’re fine! sorry about mine too though, that’s what i get for posting too early the in morning
SAME
❤️
wow I also didn't mean to say "his feels" b/c Steve is not a millenial
it’s what being around each other does to them, they are going crazy ;)
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feel free to go vague and let time pass, I'm starting to set that up
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they're so soft and cute
yesss they’re adorable ❤️
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